The Kind of Busy I Would Like to Be

Dear Readership,
I have recently reembarked on the journey of conversational emailing. What a throwback, right? My 11 year old sister got an email account and is incredibly excited to join in on correspondence in the digital age (mad props to my mom for not just handing her a smart phone right out of elementary school, but making her take baby steps into technology. I have such very strong opinions about the importance of defending innocence in childhood and I think not having instant access to the wide, wide web before you’re ready is a huge part of it). Anyway, she and I have been emailing back and forth since she got it back in February and I received an email this morning in response to something I sent a little over a week ago.
She said, “Sorry I did not get back to you sooner I have been very busy!!”
To which I responded, “No worries, darling. What have you been busy with?”
About 20 minutes later she said, “Getting first place! And singing happy birthday to Isaiah! and now I am doing math 🙄😫😮” (side note: her exploration of self expression through excessive emoji use has by far been my favorite part of this journey. Welcome to the 21st century, kiddo). 
Now, I am INCREDIBLY proud of this girly (and her duo partner, 9 year old Beatrice) for picking a story, cutting, blocking, memorizing, and competing at two different junior league tournaments (winning first place both times) with very little help from anyone. They took their dream and ran with it and it makes me a very proud speech sissy.  
 
But the real doozy of a time strain here that blows me away is that she actually had to sing happy birthday to Isaiah. I can’t believe he had the nerve to make such a demand on her time when he knows all too well that the average birthday song can take up to 30 seconds. She’s a strong, independent women and she doesn’t have time to be held back by trivialities like celebrating some measly birthday. 
 
Madness, really.
Then, of course, the dreaded math. Friend to no Patterson sister, myself especially. I know as well as anyone that a single lesson can take up to 48 hours if you are truly versed in the art of dragging out the inevitable so that it becomes a miserable experience for the entire household. I’m proud to have passed on that legacy as well. When it comes down to it, I’m surprised she found time to respond to my email at all.
And yet, as I labor through the worst time of year for any liberal arts major (when there is a 16 page term paper due in every class), I can’t help but wish I was the kind of busy she is. 😘😂😆😅😍😉 
Until next time,
Adieu

A Nation Divided

Dear Readership,

I come before you with a heavy heart. A friend of mine and I recently got into a heated debate over a very polarized topic: does pineapple belong on pizza or not? This is an issue that has ripped our nation apart– pitting brother against brother and friend against friend.  I shall allow my “friend” to remain unnamed so as not to publicly shame him for his blasphemy, and will instead refer to him as The Unenlightened throughout the following exchange. Some context: this man is sassy, he is sarcastic, and he is ruthless (all of which are reasons why I love his company). So if you ever read a line and wonder, “Wait, is that sarcasm?” The answer is a resounding YES. Our conversation started innocently enough, but it went downhill very quickly…

The Unenlightened: You remember that time on August 5th I texted you and said I was 300 pages into the brothers karamazov? It’s now November 7th and I’m not even to page 500.
Having class is the worst.
Me: TRUTH! I currently have an overdue library book that I have had for about a month and a half (calm down, it’s only overdue by a week) and I have probably read a grand total of 15 pages. It breaks my heart
The Unenlightened: I’m glad you told me to calm down, I was about to absolutely lose my cool.
Me: I’m looking out for ya. Don’t want your blood pressure to spike too high over library book fees.
The Unenlightened: Careful, that thirty cents can be a backbreaker.
Me: You know what I could do with that 30 cents??
Leave it in the carpet of my car for the next 15 years with the rest of my loose change… but still. It’s the principle of it.
The Unenlightened: That’s your thirty cents to do what you want with.
That loose change comes in handy. Like when your campus ministry holds a coin drive for hurricane relief but it also serves as a competition to decide whether pineapple belongs on a pizza
Me: That is an oddly specific scenario
The Unenlightened: But a plausible one
Me: The more important question is did you uphold truth and righteousness? Or did you vote against pineapple?
The Unenlightened: On a related note, UGA ccf is officially against pineapple on pizza
Wait
Tell me you’re kidding
Me: PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS A GIFT TO MANKIND
The Unenlightened: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
ADULTERER
Me: Umm, I don’t have boring, old man tastebuds and appreciate complex variety in my food?
and idk… I’M NOT A FREAKING MONSTER WHO HATES ALL THINGS PURE AND DELICIOUS
The Unenlightened: OUR FOREFATHERS DIDN’T DIE FOR US TO PUT FRUIT ON OUR PIZZA
AND DON’T YOU DARE SAY TOMATO, WE ALL KNOW THAT’S A TECHNICALITY
Me: Well, you know who hates pineapple on pizza? Communists… ya frickin commie
The Unenlightened: Communists don’t even have pizza
Me: You’re telling me. I mean, can you even call a pizza without pineapple on it a pizza at all??
The Unenlightened: You know where they don’t have pineapple? ANYWHERE PIZZA WAS INVENTED
Me: Oh, and expanding on a good thing to make it better is now inherently wrong?
The Unenlightened: Revelation 22:18 [NOTE: the verse says, “I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll.”]
Me: Who hurt you so you couldn’t love?
The Unenlightened: I’ve tasted and seen the sweetest of loves. Pineapple wasn’t involved
Me: Then what you’ve experienced wasn’t love, only a mere shadow of it. You, my friend, are chained in a cave. You’re stuck thinking that your 2D world of gray and stone is all there is. If you could only break free and step into the real world, you would find the loving embrace of pineapple on pizza and the goodness of truth. ~direct quote from Plato
The Unenlightened: Guess what fruit wasn’t around in ancient Greece
Me: I’m sorry, WERE YOU THERE?

…. It was at this point that my friend and I stopped speaking to each other and haven’t spoken since. Is it too late for our relationship to be restored? Only time (and a major change of heart on his part) will tell.
I would tell you to chime in on the debate in the comments… but you either agree with me or you’re wrong on this one. So keep your hate to yourself. 😉

Until next time,

Adieu